My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please come you make the beer taste better
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
