i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
