his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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