whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
