Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
