New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
