i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I looked at my own cervix.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
