I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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