So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize