I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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