so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
two words: eviction party
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
