kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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