Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
