I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
