you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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