i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
