i think my tv is drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize