he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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