I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
