Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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