I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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