I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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