No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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