i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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