Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
