I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
