conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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