GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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