Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
