i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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