but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize