State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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