There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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