I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
