If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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