omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
