Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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