Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't turn off my feet"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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