Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
