Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
