actually, I'm a sock model
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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