cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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