I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
