Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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