the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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