I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
