i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there's paper in my vomit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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