you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
