Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
