my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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