Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
