Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
