just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize