What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
