Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
