I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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