Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
