alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
