Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Randomize
