A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
