yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
