Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
