Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
