But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
