I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
