2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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