so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
