Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
