why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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