your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
