Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
